Pay Attention to Me, Dammit! (The Chocolate Lover’s New Idol)

15 Jul

So this is a story all about how my life got turned upside down. I promise, I’m not going to rap. Just rant a little bit and then post a delicious experimental recipe. But, seriously, my life is so upside down. I just graduated from, like, the smallest high school on this planet.


I keep using this “I” word. And perhaps you, nonexistant reader, are wondering just who this “I” fellow is. Well, I’ll tell you. I’m eighteen. I like to cook, duh. I am smart, I won’t even attempt to deny that. And I like to consider myself decently pretty. I mean, I’m no Gisele Bundchen or Cintia Dicker, but I’m not a total hag, either! I have really pretty blonde hair and huge golden eyes. And sure, right now I am suffering from a truly unsightly red-purple sunburn that would make Uncle Vernon’s face look like a Cullen. But I have not always resembled a plum! Certainly not for the past four years have I looked like a plum, so please explain to me why, WHY, have I been single for these four miserable, horrible years?! I should be dating. A LOT. And having a lot of sex, or at least that’s what my hot, taken friends tell me.

So, to drown my four-year sorrows, I am going to make the ultimate cupcake, the cupcake that puts the term “Death By Chocolate” want to sob with self-loathing. I dare to go where no chocolate lover has gone before. This just may be the best breakup food in the history of breakup food.

Here is what you will need, broken hearts.

Chocolate (or dark chocolate) cake mix
1 cup chocolate chips
1 bag Hershey’s Kisses (optional, but recommended for those in serious need of chocolate)

2 1/2 – 3 cup confectioners sugar
3/4 cup butter
1/3 cup Nutella, or similar choco-hazelnut spread
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp almond extract
A splash of Hershey’s chocolate syrup

Okay, you will want to prepare your cake mix according to the box instructions, then mix in your chocolate chips. I like to fill my cupcake cup about 1/3 full and plop a Hershey’s kiss into the middle so it has a nice, gooey chocolate center, then fill the rest of the cup with batter. Bake at 350 until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean, and one inserted into the very center of the cake comes out just a little bit gooey from your optional Kiss.

Now, the fun part. Most people go to all of this trouble of creaming the butter and blah blah blah, but I like to just throw in the butter and about half of the sugar and half of my Nutella with the almond and vanilla, beat it on low-medium speed until it’s starting to get creamy, and then add the rest in. Beat, of course, until nice and fluffy. To thicken the frosting just add in more confectioner’s sugar.

Pipe or spread generously onto cooled chocolate heaven cupcakes and consume until you are no longer sad, angry or pathetic.

Bon appetit, mes cheres!


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